HERE IS A NON-NEW REVIEW YOU MIGHT BE IN KLINE TO SEE

SCOTT GLENN (Appitizer)
KEVIN COSTNER (Amuse bouche)
KEVIN KLINE (Entree)
DANNY GLOVE (Main Dish)
BRIAN DENNEHY (Hungry Man Dinner)
JEFF FAHEY (Desert)
JOHN CLEESE (Spotted Dick)
JEFF GOLDBLUM (Side Dish)

“Um, yes let’s see, I’ll start with a Costner, my girlfriend and I will split the Dennehy, and add a Goldblum on the side.”

No… that’s not the menu at the Midnight Star
Saloon it’s the cast list for Silverado.


SILVERADO (1985)
Written/Directed Lawrence Kasdan
Written Mark Kasdan


This here is the story of two brothers, a brother and a lover. After getting sprung from 5 years in the poky, Emmet (Glenn) gets jumped on the way to meet up with his brother Jake (Costner). Emmet kicks some cowboy ass and heads out after the dudes who done it. Along the way he finds Paden (Kline), lover of dogs, canine and otherwise and saves him from the elements. While dining in an uncivil establishment, Emmet and Paden speak up for Mal (Glover) who is being refused his right to be served because he is a brother. And in the town of Turley, Jake has been arrested for being a kissing bandit and awaits hanging by the Sherriff of Nottingham…well sort of. Everybody saves everybody else’s hide and hence a bond is formed between our four heroes and they ride together into Silverado.

Along the way the boys meet up with a wagon train complete with pretty women and Rosanna Arquette. Could be a love triangle in the works but not for Jake, he’s saving all his loving for Tyree’s (Fahey) gal. Tyree is deputy, in Silverado, to Cobb (Dennehy) the lawless Sherriff, Saloon owner and all around bad apple. Running Cobb’s saloon is Stella (Linda Hunt) who Paden loves like a sister; saloon girls, Rae (Lynn Whitfield) who is Mal’s sister and Phoebe (Amanda Wyss) who is Tyree’s girl and the object of Jake’s non-sisterly affections (certain Appalachian areas excepted). General mayhem, gun fights, stampedes and heroic acts ensue.

I recon ya’ll will enjoy this buddy, cowboy, action, comedy movie. It’s got great lines, yummy cowboys, pretty saloon girls, and starts right off with a non-stop shoot out action scene that sets the tone for what’s to come. There is also some fine acting. Dennehy is one bad guy I would love to hate, but not till after I loved him, Kline has a heart of gold but don’t steal his hat, or look out. Glover and Glenn are our level headed leading men and in one of his first roles, Kevin Costner shines bright as the incorrigible little brother, with hints of a dark side.

Rent Silverado this weekend for a look back to when the west was fun.

Confucius Say..Check Out This Week's Non-new Review

THEY ARE ALL STEVES!
Steve Austin, Steve McGarret, Steve McQueen and Dex

TAO OF STEVE (2000)

Writer/Director Jenniphr Goodman

Dex and his buddies practice the Tao of Steve, a guylosophy that involves the three steps to getting laid, getting laid often, and getting away with it. Until dot dot dot, the one you really want comes along and isn’t interested in a Steve.

STEVE: The ultimate American male. Men want to be Steve, and women want to bed Steve.

Donal Logue, who had a short stink on ABC’s The Knights of Prosperity in 2007, plays Dex an unlikely Steve; a fat stoner in his thirties who works part-time and bullshits full time. Yet his mastery of the Tao gives him a mastery over women, most of them anyway. When Dex and his friends go to their ten year college reunion he re-unites, sort of, with Syd, and the Tao goes into a tailspin.

Syd, played by Greer Goodman who is also a co-writer and sister to the director, ain’t buying Steve or Dex’s line. She matches him intellectually and is unimpressed by his usual bag of tricks. In fact Dex is so thrown he misses the mark on all three of the steps to naked nirvana. But the movie doesn’t totally become a chick flick, the romance is cut with humor, interesting dialog, and the characters are real and relatable. (Meaning they’re as fat and ugly as the rest of us.)

The story is based on Duncan North (co-writer) and his life in Santa Fe. It’s a good story and a good movie with a refreshing realistic take on love. So this weekend if you don’t act like you want to see this movie, mention that it was a Sundance Film Festival award winner, then say you are just going to return it and start to walk away, you will have mastered the Tao of seeing the movie you want to see and your mate will think they talked you into it.

Have you seen everything in the new releases? Do you need suggestions for your queue? On Thursdays I pick non-new releases I like, and you might too. This week; how about a little something with a twist?

MATCHSTICK MEN (2003)
Director: Ridley Scott




I don’t remember why I thought I didn’t like Nicolas Cage, but I loved him in this movie. Cage is a quirky neurotic fellow with lots of tics that are really fun to watch, so he was perfect to play Roy, a quirky neurotic fellow with lots of tics....

Cage does a great job and so does Sam Rockwell as his protégé Frank. Roy and Frank love each other, not in a Brokeback Mountain way, but in more of a Sting way. Roy is the senior antiques dealer, aka con artist, and is teaching Frank the trade….or is it Frank doing the teaching?

Roy is obsessive, obsessive, obsessive and has a hard time with doors, but all that changes when his long lost daughter Angela shows up. Alison Lohman plays the teen to perfection; much like her character plays her father. Do all teenage girls have some sort of gene that allows them to reduce grown men to rubble with two tears and a pout? I wish I would have known about that back then because it sure as hell doesn’t work when you’re forty! Anywho, Angela has got Roy’s number and she talks Roy into teaching her some lesson’s too, (think Paper Moon.)

In this story of two men and a teenager, there is great acting, directing, writing and laughs. With three snaps up and a twist, I recommend checking out MATCHSTICK MEN this weekend, not taking calls from people who claim you’ve won something and keeping your dog out of the money, or vice versa.

Wayne Made Me Watch Them Both...Twice

This week’s non-new review is a two-fer; two movies, two cars, one actor, and one plot. But if you or your someone go for tough guy movies, then this is the duet for you.

The Transporter (2002)

Transporter 2 (2005)

Transporter stars a BMW 750i E38, (per IMDB, the only one ever produced with a manual six-speed gearbox). I found it to be shiny and black. Transporter 2 stars an Audi A8L W12, also shiny and black. In a supporting role for both movies is Jason Statham as Frank Martin, The Transporter; I found him to be shiny and white, his head that is. But this bodacious, ballsy, baritone makes bald beautiful.

In the 1st movie the damsel in distress is a beautiful Asian girl with an oppressive father. In the 2nd movie the damsel is a beautiful Anglo girl with an oppressive husband(Matthew Modine). No matter, ex-Special Forces operative Frank Martin and his car to the rescue. But Frank has a set of policies before he’ll take a job, and the 1st rule is; when you break a rule it makes a better movie. So it is Frank’s soft spot for a pretty girl, in the first movie and a cute kid with a hot mom in the second movie that provides the stimulus for him to deviate from his self imposed regulations.

Quick synopsis of both movies: Ultra cool guy gets hired to do a job. Rules are broken and job goes awry. Fight….Chase….Smoldering Stare…..Fight…Chase….Death Defying Car Stunts ad nauseam, and there you have it. Both movies are fast paced, and the few slow parts are used to advance the story. While the writing is nothing to write home about, the action and special effects in both films are really good. Some of the fight scenes are as choppy as a syncronized swim meet though, but then Jason takes his shirt off and your like; OH! OK! And there is a truck chase/fight scene, in the first movie, reminiscent of a scene in Raiders of the Lost Arc; only here we are fighting the Chinese Mafia instead of the Nazis.

Both movies were written by Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen and directed by Louis Leterrier. Two time side-kick Tarconi, is played by Francois Berleand while Qi Shu is Lai the hottie de jour in Tran 1 and Amber Valletta is Audrey the MILF in Tran 2. Completing the cast in both movies are some requisite colorful villains and their over the top mad assistants. Look for the Milla Jovovich wanna be,(Kate Nauta) in the 2nd movie, she's a nasty little thing. There were a few other cars, but nothing worth mentioning.

And yes, there is a Transporter 3 in the works; the release date is set for November 26th 2008. Here’s a sneak peak at the preview, which should give you a pretty good idea of what one and two are like. So, you can look at the cars or you can look at Jason, either way you'll have fun watching Transporter 1 and 2.

je t'aime ma chérie

It’s Jeudi, and so time to look at a non-new release you might enjoy for the weekend. This week I have chosen a film more delicious than oysters from a Mardi chicken and so full of amour it made me weep for those who go without it, including the suicidal gold fish.



Amelie (2001)



I adore films that are visually appealing and Amelie does not disappoint. Director Jean-Pierre Jeunet uses color as part of his story telling technique. He presents a beautiful make believe world that flavors the movie and bolsters a lovely little simple story into a unique and interesting experience.


Amelie is a boy meets girl story, but they are not your usual boy or girl. Audrey Tautou, (later of The Di Vinci Code) is Amelie, an awkward girl who prefers fantasy to real life. However, her discovery of a mysterious hidden box changes her life as she tries to change other’s lives for the better. A chance meeting of a man at a photo booth leads to Amelie solving not only the identity of a mysterious man, but also the sweet mystery of life. Reality shared with one of her ilk is not so bad after all.


Our boy, the charmingly odd Nino is portrayed by Mathieu Kassovitz. Also a loner in his own world, Nino excites Amelie’s heart the first time she lays eyes on him. Amelie’s world also includes a sadistic grocer to whom she teaches a lesson, a lonely concierge, a one armed man, who is not a fugitive, and a man with bones of glass. These are but a few that are touched by our heroine on her quest to be a regular do-gooder.


Nominated for five Academy awards, this French film has sub-titles, but you get used to it quickly. Just be careful not to miss too much of the intriguing camera work or engaging acting done by all. Filmed in Paris, you can follow Amelie’s trek around the city at: Montmartre: in the footsteps of Amélie Poulain.


Amelia has all the ingredients of a great film. A mirepoix of romance, comedy and mystery, the box calls it “The feel-good movie of the year.” The film did make me feel good, but it also made me sad for all the people who can’t or won’t give up their weirdness or accept the weirdness of someone else to find the love and/or companionship they want.

Don't Give Up, Get Naked

When things are dodgy, and you owe maintenance, toss off your kit and show the rest of them chuffers your lunchbox. (When the going gets tough, the tough get naked.)

Well it’s Thursday now isn’t it? And as you well know on Thursdays I have a look at films what ain’t as new as some of what the other nutters out there looks at, but that don’t make em scrap. Right then, unless you’re a pigeon-chested tosser, let us have a look at this week’s pic, I reck I clocked it as a good one.

The Full Monty (1997)


Here’s a heads up ya bugger, if it’s your first time watching I’d wager a quid it will all sound like malarkey to you, so turn on the closed caption or visit the website first, for a look at the meaning of what these cheeky bastards are saying.

Ok, so here’s the thing; our man Gaz along with his best mate Dave and most of the men in the town of Sheffield, including their old foreman, have been laid off from the steel mills and are on the dole. Thanks to Gaz’s ex, his kid looks at him like he’s a beggar and Gaz has got to raise some quid or lose the kid. Dave can’t raise anything, if you get my meaning, and his wife is having an eppy about it. Our foreman, Gerald, has to be taken down a peg, but it turns out to be the blokes that prop him and possibly Dave’s widger back up.

After seeing what he calls a lot of woofters, (Chippendale’s dancers), Gaz gets the idea that him and a few of his lads could earn some money dancing. But in order to piqué the interest of the town lasses they will need to show the full Monty. Meaning, six Job Club blokes will have to dance around like benders, pull off their kegs and show their tackle in order to get back their self-respect. Now that takes bollocks.

A fine bit of acting was done by all really, with much praise going to Robert Carlyle who plays Gaz. When his boy Nathan, played by William Snape, lets on like he don’t want to be with Gaz, Carlyle delivers such a pained look your heart will break and you’ll know what a sodder it must have been to live with his ex. It is no wonder Gaz thinks women are taking over the world, as evidenced by the way they piss.

Our fat bastard Dave, Mark Addy, is anything but and the rest of the lads are right chums as well. (Mark was later on Still Standing, and American TV show.) For a look at what the town looks like now there is the unofficial website, MONTYMANIA.

I really liked this movie, despite its not living up to its name, but then I liked Pretty Woman, and it didn’t live up to its name either, (unless they meant Richard Gere). So have a look mate, you might like it too.

Naughty, but not in the New Releases

OH that’s it, now turn the page, turn another page, OH! I love you! Oh God, I didn’t mean it and you’re a bastard for making me say it. I take it back. You don’t have to read anymore if you don’t want to, it’s just a casual thing, a quick read and then piss off, no harm done. But before you go why not have a look at this Thursday’s non-new review, Better Than Sex. Watching it almost is.

Better Than Sex (2000)



In three days can you fall in love, break up, get back together, say good bye and still keep it casual? They meet at a party, mutually decide on a one night stand, luckily somebody had a condom, and go back to her place for what turns out to be three days that might last a life time.

Filmed mostly in Sydney this movie was written and directed by Australian film maker Jonathan Teplitzky. It stars Susie Porter as Cin, a delightfully freckled single gal who just wants some sex. After all he’s leaving in three days, what harm could be done. David Wenham scrumptiously portrays man-hair laden Josh. A single guy (maybe) with atrocious bathroom habits who also just wants some sex. After all he’s leaving in three days what harm could be done.

Neither of these actors are well known in the U.S., but they are both very engaging, adorable to look at, yet not unbelievably good looking, and you feel comfortable with them right away. Their accents are at times a bit hard to understand but the language of love is universal.

And speaking of sex; this movie has plenty of it, along with nakediness, great dialog, sex, outstanding cinematography, with some photography thrown in, sex, nakediness, romance, comedy that is nice and dry and sex that is decidedly not dry. But what is great about this movie, is that you get all that sex and nakediness without pornography or fakey soap opera lighting, candles and spray tan.




On their 1st day together Cin shouts out in the heat of passion, “I love you” Could she love him already? After having sex, AGAIN, Josh takes his leave only to find it harder to go than he thought. Their would-be romance is helped along by a guardian angel in the guise of a taxi driver, Angelica Huston look-a-like Kris McQuade. After a fight is sparked by Cid’s nasty, slutty friend; Josh storms out of Cid’s apartment only to be refused a ride from the benevolent hack. Will he go back?

You’ll be going back for more. This weekend rent Better Than Sex, and if you don’t have anyone to watch it with get your vibrator out of the fridge and have a go then, right no worries.

Skip the Popcorn, this week you'll need peppers.

It’s time for Thursday’s non-new review and this week I am on top of the world, if not any women; and hopefully Wayne is just kidding when he says he would like to see that.

Woman on Top (2000)
Directed by: Fina Torres


In this story of love, motion sickness and the art of cooking, there is something for everyone. For the guys: Isabella, enchantingly portrayed by Penelope Cruz, is gorgeous, comical, and has a sexy Brazilian accent. You’ll be running out for chilies after watching her cook. For the girls: Murilo Benicio as Toninho is Isabella’s husband, for now. He is so SEXY and not necessarily the man you may think he is at first. His songs could woo the deaf, his looks could attract the blind and his sex appeal could make a guy change teams. Which bring us to Monica (Harold Perrineau, Jr) who is for everyone in between. Monica, Isabella’s best friend, is beautiful and handsome and quirky and loveable, so much so she gives Cliff the hiccups. Cliff (Mark Feuerstein) is for you Wonder Bread lovers, but is also adorably charming as the nice guy rival for Isabella’s love.

This movie is exquisitely filmed with bright colors, exotic locations and attractive people. It takes you from beaches in the northeast of Brazil to

Lombard Street in San Francisco. The music and song throughout the film give a feeling of love and happiness while the ritual sacrifices to the sea god Yemanja are foreboding. Dabbling with curses and sacrifices to sea gods can have some unforeseen and ultimately unwanted effects.

The story focus on Isabella and how her vertigo threatens her husband’s manhood putting their love, which is hotter than a habanera pepper, in jeopardy. Stifled from taking the lead in the traditional male role regarding inconsequential matters, Isabella’s husband acts out his need to be the man by committing a grave betrayal.

What I love about this movie is its subtleness; nothing is decided for you. Characters are flawed yet still beautiful and engaging; there is no obvious villain. There are very funny parts but there is no rim shot slap stick. And everything is at an easy languid pace, but don’t mistake that for dull. Despite, or more likely because of, the lack of American block buster punch or Indi film righteousness, you’ll be smitten with this film.

And so up and down the streets of San Francisco, Isabella finds everything she thinks she ever wanted and then finds everything she ever wanted. This smoldering love story surrounded by the love of good food makes Nine 1/2 Weeks look like cheap soft porn (which it kinda was anyway). This weekend rent Woman on Top, but don’t rent it alone.

Nothing in the New Releases?

Shit, I know shit is bad right now, but you don’t know how bad it could be. This Thursday’s non-new review takes a look at what our future might be, if we don’t stop massive consumption of sports drinks, shopping at Costco, and watching reality TV.

Idiocracy (2006)

Want to see a juvenile movie done by people with a sophomoric sense of humor (Mike Judge, think Beavis and Butt-Head) that has a devastatingly frightening truth? Well, that may be a trifle dramatic but this movie wouldn’t be worth much of a look, if it weren’t an unsettling look at our possible future.

Just suppose that the most inept dumbass slacker of today was the most adept crisis manager of the future. An extremely un-ambitious army private who just wants to get out of the way, is the unwilling monkey for an experiment that lands him and his co-monkey 500 years in the future. Private Joe Bauers, played by Luke Wilson and Rita, played by Maya Rudolph, a hooker rented to the army by her pimp, turn out to be our best hope for the reclamation of intelligent life on earth.

The movie starts out with a hilarious, yet sad and true, explanation of how the retarded process of natural selection led to a country populated by the dim witted. They mindlessly meander through their existence while being bottle fed giant drinks and processed goo during the most vulgar reality TV shows and movies.

World leaders are not exempt. In the movies most unrealistic scenario, the President of America (Terry Crews; Everybody Hates Chris) is a wrestler type who has replaced saluting with flipping the bird. This could never happen; I mean really, the farthest a wrestler could get is Governor of America right?


Also Appearing: Dax Shepard plays Frito, a Costco educated Lawyer and our second best hope for the future. Justin Long as a dumb Dr and Thomas Haden Church make amusing cameos.

Rita, who has hidden the fact that her boyfriend Upgrayedd is really her pimp, looks for redemption in the future, while Joe finds his true potential. There are lessons for us all in this satirical exploration of the dumbing down of America. Hopefully renting this movie will give you pause the next time you pass up a book sale, tune into Springer, or order food from someone using a picture menu.

Thursday's Non-new Review...Here's a good one for your queue.

Listen, I know I swore off DWTS, but I just had to see how far Marlee could go. She got the boot, or should I say strappy dance shoe, in the ass this week but she did a great job on the show and an even better one in this week's pic for when you can't find anything in the new releases.


Children of a Lesser God (1986)

If you have been watching Dancing With the Stars you know that Marlee Matlin can dance. If you rent Children of a Lesser God this weekend you will see that she can also dirty dance.

In her Oscar winning role as a deaf cleaning lady for her former school, Marlee plays Sarah, a bitter, frightened deaf woman with a tragic past, who also happens to be smoking hot, can dance like a bad girl and likes to take nakedy dips in the school’s pool.

William Hurt is James; a speech teacher for the deaf, so loved by his students they adoringly refer to him as asshole, dick brain and fuck face. Way to teach em those verbal skills Jimmie.

After bumping uglies in the natatorium, James and Sarah fall in love but there is no guarantee of a happy ending as Sarah has some nasty wasties in her closet and James just doesn’t know how to break down the silent barriers that block their bliss.

Take a bathroom break when William Hurt tries to interpret Bach with his arms so Marlee can see the music. The scene does not go on for long, but you could still lose your popcorn. Come right back though because this really is a good movie about the give and take aspect of relationships that holds true deaf or no, and a woman struggling to find herself and her place in a world she can’t hear.




Interesting questions regarding who should learn whose language offset the awkward looking signing done by some of the actors. Piper Laurie as Sarah’s mother is particularly lame. William Hurts’ signing is more tolerable, but you really have to do some forgiving for bad writing, when in one scene he expects his students to read his lips while he is standing on his hands with his tie flapping across his face.

Good back story on Sarah revealed throughout the film and the non typical love story with some steamy romps, will keep you watching. Overall a good movie, a good story, and a great performance by Marlee.

Wendy

Wanna Get A Movie?

It’s Thursday and that makes it trash day in my neighborhood and Non-new Review Day at Lemon Tree Chronicles (when you just can't find anything else to watch)……and there’s nothing more trashy than this weeks pic.

Joe Dirt (2001)

If you dig David Spade you’ll love him shoveling up the laughs as writer and star of Joe Dirt. (I know, I know, but I couldn’t resist it)

Warning: Watching this movie will do little to improve your friend’s opinion of you. Tell them you watched Little Miss Sunshine this weekend and were very much moved. It was a poignant look at today’s society, a family’s dynamics, and a surprisingly touching performance by Steve Carell. Ok good, now back to the mindless fun.

I liked this movie so much I wanted to be Joe’s sister, and you will too if you just give it a chance or a six pack. Save for rueful moments when the movie reminds you of your last family reunion, you will, if nothing else, come away feeling pretty good about your own life, no matter how crappy it is. Joe Dirt makes redneck, inbred, unemployed, white trash, trailer-park rejects, look like a step up from his gene pool and current residence; if you count a janitor’s closet as a residence.

Abandoned as a child our hero makes his way through myriad obstacles accompanied by the finest in classic rock tunes. Seriously, the soundtrack of this movie is a one right after the other time warp back to when rock was rock. TURN IT UP! Along the way he encounters a plethora of social outcasts and rejects who help him on his quest to find his family, his home, and his love.

It’s complete with a requisite bad guy adequately portrayed by Kid Rock. But I use the term portrayed loosely, as I doubt Kid Rock did little more than show up in clothes from his youth and his own car to convincingly interpret the troglodyte pubescent antagonist, Robby. Def Leppard does not suck, Mr. Rock! And of course the beautiful love interest, Brandy, played by Brittany Daniel…she is ok if you like blonde, skinny, built girls who deep down inside, despite their own beauty, see beyond other people’s outer flaws and accept them for who they are because she has a heart of gold and is also an animal lover. I mean if you like that type whatever, she didn’t do much for me.

On a more serious note; about mid way through the film there is introspection on the male/female mating ritual in rural America. Exquisite cinematography, with the finest use of slow motion seen in recent weeks, Joe Dirt’s bravado and animal magnetism peak as a carnie worker who takes carnal knowledge of a small town’s not so nice girl.



Ok so who else is in it:

Christopher Walken as Clem the mobster mentor to Joe. Walken is his usual quirky character and does not disappoint. If only I were a broom so he would dance with me.

Adam Beach (currently of Law and Order) is Kicking Wing, a road side fireworks entrepreneur who befriends Joe and learns a little something about marketing.

Jamie Pressly, (currently plays Joy on the NBC show My Name is Earl), in a Joy Jr. type roll. As Joe’s sister she is, well, Joy basically. But she plays the country hick thing to perfection.

Dennis Miller as Dennis Miller being Dennis Miller, so if you like Dennis Miller ok, if he works a nerve, he is not on screen very much, so ok.

You can also look for Rosanna Arquette, (or close you eyes like I did), a bit part with Chris Farley’s brother, and Carline Aaron and Fred Ward who played Joe’s parents round out the cast.

So get a cold one and some space peanuts, cuddle up next to your dog, (remember you don’t want your friends to know you watched this movie) and enjoy. Oh, go ahead you know you want to. DANG

Wendy

Nothing in the new releases you want to see?

Have you seen everything in the new releases you care to see? Do you need suggestions for your wish list? From time to time I will be reviewing older movies that are on my favorites list. And sometimes a heads up from my trash list. This week's pic is defiantly one of my favorites.


Connie and Carla (2004)

…..you had me at Oklahoma!



If you don’t love this movie… SHUT UP, because the sound of your voice is giving me mono.

I love this movie. As a wanna-be torch singer and victim of unrequited Drag Queen love, I could relate to this story on so many levels. And though I am not Greek, I did have a big fat wedding so I was already a Nia Vardalos fan.

Connie and Carla is: a buddy movie, a romantic comedy, a chase movie, a gangster movie, a social commentary on self acceptance, a tale of family drama, and a Victor/Victoria type musical all rolled into one. Gawd, I adored it Mary.

Nia Vardalos, as Connie and Toni Collette as Carla; sing, dance a little and are funny, endearing and totally believable as life long best friends who get into more than they bargained for. They stick together to the end and make their dreams come true along the way.

From the brilliantly written hilarious opening scene, (thank you Nia), through the great dialog, the extremely well done musical numbers, featuring Nia and Toni in fabulous costumes, this movie honors all that is holy in classic musicals and drag shows. Including a cameo from The Miss Debbie Reynolds, singing a far too short number, dinner theater performances, Drag Queens and boob glitter galore.

The romantic comedy portion is handled by David Duchovny, who delivers a good performance as the love interest of……not gonna tell ya. In one scene after kissing one of the girls or boys or girl boys, he plays an old time site gag to the hilt. There is no Mulder in the movie; he is pretty fun to watch.

The supporting cast made me cry with joy, and ache with envy. I could have been a drag queen, I know I could have, is it too late for me Mary? (Per the Connie and Carla website, my drag name is Cherry Poppadopolus, you may call me MS. Cherry if you’re nasty). Best friends Peaches and his partner N’cream, played by Tony Award winner; Stephen Spinella and Alec Mapa were perfectly cast as the side kicks, who can chorus kick BTW.

Michael Lembeck directs and the soundtrack is to die for, so unless you’ve got something against laughing, singing and boob glitter, go rent this movie or I’ll punch you in the throat.