August 15, 2016

All THE RIGHT GEAR ALL THE TIME!

I was mowing the lawn at dusk, because it’s about 100 degrees cooler than it was that afternoon. I wore shorts and tennis shoes.

When I inadvertently kicked a snake, better than him getting hit by the mower blades I guess, but it touched my bare leg, so gross!

So this perfectly illustrates the biker safety motto, All The Right Gear All The Time.

What the Harley does this have to do with mowing lawns?

Well, had I been wearing my Harley Davidson kick ass, yet super cute with a little trashy bling on the side, but still made from half inch thick leather from the hide of a former rodeo bull known as the widow maker that come half way up my calf and cost more than the lawn mower, I would of stood my ground with said snake.  

"Come on you slithery M-Fer let’s see what ya got?"


But I was wearing tennis shoes and shorts so I cried and ran inside. 

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July 15, 2016

Breaking Cats

Hey there family and friends,

Welp, it took 6 months but we are back in our home in Deltona Fl. We just spent a marathon week of painting and cleaning that is just the beginning. 

I am not sure what the renters we had we're doing in here to cause the odor that so far has taken 2 bottles of bleach, 2 1/2 days of scrubbing walls, and really every freaking surface in the house, 10 gallons of ceiling paints, 10 gallons of wall paint, new flooring, threw away every set of blinds on the windows, thinking about replacing the refrigerator and dishwasher all together, but we are out of money at this point, and trying to figure out how to get the soot off the screen porch roof, because yes they really did grill INSIDE THE SCREEN PORCH. 

And yet the smell, although greatly diminished persists.  

I can only conclude that either the 2 unauthorized cats that lived here or the 2 unauthorized roommates who lived here, or the expressly forbidden smoking in the house, as evidenced by the burn holes in the linoleum floors in the bathroom, that will have to be replaced later, has caused the as yet not wholly identifiable said oder.

Scott thinks the 2 cats might have been cooking meth.


April 3, 2016

IT’S BEEN A SLICE



Flappers Comedy Club is crowded, but not for a comedian, for a reading from Jon D’Amore’s book about his mob family, THE BOSS ALWAYS SITS IN THE BACK. Jon is funny and charming and they’re all here for him; friends, family and celebrities, “except for the ones that are gone or in jail,” he says with a sly grin. He would have written the book sooner, he said, “But I had to wait till at least three guys were dead!”

Jon grew up in Jersey at first shunning the mob. In 1999 he came to L.A. to write. He’s been a musician, reporter, and author of six screen plays. I asked if his catch phrase, It’s Been a Slice, came from his family’s business, Patsy D’Amore’s Pizza in the Farmers market? He smiles, “It came from a film I like; SERIAL.”

His book opens with a brief history of the mob in Jersey, including his Godfather Jerry; one of the guys who had to pass before Jon could tell this tale. Jon says he had to write this book “because the story needed to be told.” It’s important to show respect for family and the book is a link to the culture of honor and respect he was raised in. In fact before Jerry died, Don put a recorder by his bed so Jerry could tell his story.

So you wanna know why THE BOSS ALWAYS SITS IN THE BACK, or how Jon ended up in the desert with a gun to his head? How he helped out-smart the cops, earned the nickname The Kid? Again that grin, “You gotta buy the book.” It reveals why one smokes a joint at eight a.m.... because it’s too early for a martini, but Jon did answer the question, “Did you ever kill anybody?” He laughs heartily, “First of all... No! And if I did... NO!” 

Check out Jon's book here: Clickthe boss always sits in the 

November 17, 2015

NUN RUN

What do a bunch of HOGs and a Nun have in common? They both like to do nice things for people. And on Sunday November 8th after the Golden State Hogs Chapter meeting the two got together and there was so much nice going on I think a couple bikers decided to convert and the Nun was shopping chaps and tattoos.     

I know I was moved by the event, The Habit on the Highway ride, or as I like to call it,THE NUN RUN.    Her sweet face warmed my heart and soul... And that was just the chick driving the bike with the side car that the Sister rode in. Shaking hands with Sister Thomas and giving her a rosary that Scott and I got at a mission in Arizona on our third date almost made me cry.  But I didn't want to make a scene.  The last time I cried around that many tough guys was when I wore flip flops to the gun range and I learned the hard way how hot falling nine millimeter shells are.    Note to self: Don't cry in front of the range master, it makes him very nervous.

Seeing first hand an 89 year old nun complete her bucket list by riding on a motorcycle and being a member of the group that made it happen felt like a million bucks. Scott and I are new to this club and in just a few shorts months we've seen fund-raising for very worthy causes and made new friends that I'm sure will be around a long time. I am so glad Scott bought a Harley... The chapter meetings for the Cali Kia Soul Owners (AKA The Gerbils) are so boring!!!

Be proud of yourselves Golden State, you really are the greatest chapter in Hog.  

Top Ten Things A Newbie Passenger Oughta Know!


If you are absolutely new to motorcycles, being a passenger, and all things the Harley – Davidson lifestyle is, or at least what you as a newbie think it is, here is my top-ten list that may, but probably won’t, help you through that first few weeks.

Step One: Go out and buy yourself a butt-load of Harley clothes. Sculls, rhinestones, leather, assorted gear, orange and black shield anything. Brace yourself; it’s expensive. You are about to pay $23 for a pair, yes A, as in one, pair of socks.

Step Two: Dress yourself out in your new gear. Remember to take the tags off even though everybody is going to know with absolute certainty that your regalia is new. (Extra tip: Watch three to five videos on YouTube to make sure you get your new bandana tied right) Now show up at your first big Harley event in your Kia Soul. Brace yourself, you’re gonna look like a tool.

Step Three: Actually take a ride on a Harley. Remember to pee first, don’t worry about anything else, because if you don’t crap yourself the first time you hit 70 mph surrounded by 18-wheelers whose drivers are texting, you’ll take care of it as soon as you get home.

Step Four: Post pictures of yourself on the back of the bike all over Facebook, Twitter, where ever. Brace yourself; everyone you know will feel compelled to comment with stories of all the gory, horrible ways that you are going to die. The comments will grow in intensity as your family and friends try to outdo each other with tales of death and dismemberment that has befallen everyone they have ever known, or at least was a cousin of everyone they have ever known that dared to lay a butt cheek on a motorcycle.

Step Five: Start planning your trip to Sturgis. This may sound premature, but it is going to take years to get your derriere callused up enough to make that long of a ride.

Step Six: Stop stress eating or you’re going to get a jelly-roll that hangs out from under your $47 Harley tee-shirt.

Step Seven: Harley girls are sexy; own it. Even with a jelly-roll and/or saddle bags. Brace yourself, in this case meaning your girls. Get them puppies up high and tight because you are going to get bounced around a lot. (Extra tip: Try not to hit your old man in the back of their helmet with the front of your helmet every time there’s a bump in the road.)

Step Eight: Tuck your ponytail in your jacket before a long highway ride. You may think you look cute with that low slung pony streaming from the back of your helmet like a flag that says “Hey look at me, I am from the country of YEAH-I’M-HOT-STUFF-ISTAN. But when you get home, good luck getting all the tangles out of that thing. And when you do, you are going to find stuff that you cannot identify.

Step Nine: Chilax. Enjoy the ride. Go up in the mountains. Brace yourself, you’re gonna get hooked.

Step Ten: Start shopping for your own bike.

Bonus Step: Once you get a bike, you can avoid looking like a tool, (see step two) by spending a little less on clothes and actually buying some tools and learn how to use them!

September 14, 2015

Top Ten Things A Newbie Passenger Oughta Know!



If you are absolutely new to motorcycles, being a passenger, and all things the Harley – Davidson lifestyle is, or at least what you as a newbie think it is, here is my top-ten list that may, but probably won’t, help you through that first few weeks.

Step One: Go out and buy yourself a butt-load of Harley clothes. Sculls, rhinestones, leather, assorted gear, orange and black shield anything. Brace yourself; it’s expensive. You are about to pay $23 for a pair, yes A, as in one, pair of socks.

Step Two: Dress yourself out in your new gear. Remember to take the tags off even though everybody is going to know with absolute certainty that your regalia is new.  (Extra tip: Watch three to five videos on YouTube to make sure you get your new bandana tied right) Now show up at your first big Harley event in your Kia Soul. Brace yourself, you’re gonna look like a tool.

Step Three: Actually take a ride on a Harley. Remember to pee first, don’t worry about anything else, because if you don’t crap yourself the first time you hit 70 mph surrounded by 18-wheelers whose drivers are texting, you’ll take care of it as soon as you get home.

Step Four: Post pictures of yourself on the back of the bike all over Facebook, Twitter, where ever. Brace yourself; everyone you know will feel compelled to comment with stories of all the gory, horrible ways that you are going to die. The comments will grow in intensity as your family and friends try to outdo each other with tales of death and dismemberment that has befallen everyone they have ever known, or at least was a cousin of everyone they have ever known that dared to lay a butt cheek on a motorcycle.

Step Five: Start planning your trip to Sturgis. This may sound premature, but it is going to take years to get your derriere callused up enough to make that long of a ride.

Step Six: Stop stress eating or you’re going to get a jelly-roll that hangs out from under your $47 Harley tee-shirt.

Step Seven:  Harley girls are sexy; own it. Even with a jelly-roll and/or saddle bags. Brace yourself, in this case meaning your girls. Get them puppies up high and tight because you are going to get bounced around a lot. (Extra tip: Try not to hit your old man in the back of their helmet with the front of your helmet every time there’s a bump in the road.)

Step Eight: Tuck your ponytail in your jacket before a long highway ride. You may think you look cute with that low slung pony streaming from the back of your helmet like a flag that says “Hey look at me, I am from the country of YEAH-I’M-HOT-STUFF-ISTAN.  But when you get home, good luck getting all the tangles out of that thing. And when you do, you are going to find stuff that you cannot identify.

Step Nine: Chilax. Enjoy the ride. Go up in the mountains. Brace yourself, you’re gonna get hooked.

Step Ten: Start shopping for your own bike. 

Bonus Step: Once you get a bike, you can avoid looking like a tool, (see step two) by spending a little less on clothes and actually buying some tools and learn how to use them!