March 28, 2012

Things to do today:

• Dishes
           o That is just not going to happen, I still have bowls available and I can use the serving sporks from the holiday silverware for another day.

• Finish writing that screenplay with my husband, and start that other one, and proof/edit the one that I thought was done.
        o This may have happened had some very very bad person at work not shown me this thing on my iPad called Angry Birds. Apparently these little time sucking fowl have been around for a while. Who knew?

• Re-up my membership at the Y.
        o This will have to wait as I have drained the monthly budget on Gew├╝rztraminer, vegetarian cook books and iPad apps.

Go vegetarian. Finish left over Chinese; go vegetarian.

• Find a deli that sells tofu Turducken.

• Establish a weekly pod cast.
       o Get sponsors
       o Format program in order that I might get rich selling my as yet un-self-published book by reading the almost finished excerpts from it, which will be honed from previous blog posts.

• Call someone and find out how to listen to pod casts.

• Finish this blog po

March 16, 2012

Cheating on Myself

I’ve been working on putting together a stand-up act. So every time I get a funny idea, I have been putting it in my routine instead of doing a blog post. I feel like I have been cheating on myself… like a guy using his left hand. Ba dum bum.

Um, that was kind of funny, I should write that down.

I am scheduled to go up at an open mic night in a week. It will be my first time and I am scared to death! I have been making my friends and co-workers listen to my five minute set during breaks at work. They have, for the most part been very kind, but my girlfriend says she misses having conversations with me because now every time we talk it’s part of my act.

Doing a stand-up routine is a bucket list item, and once again my wonderful husband has given me the encouragement and support to try something I always wanted to do; assuming, of course that I don’t chicken out… or die. (Cross your fingers)

I won’t, I’ll do it. How bad could it be? Even if I start bombing on stage, I’ll just pretend the audience is family. It not like every holiday dinner doesn’t end up with a room full of silent, annoyed people getting hammered.

Yeah, that was funny, I’ll write that down.

Besides, maybe I’ll do great. Maybe I’ll be the next Roseanne. Maybe it will just be an experience I can talk about at parties for the next couple of years. I don’t know. But I do know that if I didn’t try it, that would really be cheating on myself.

March 7, 2012

Hookers in Sensible Shoes

Last week Orlando hosted the NBA All Star game. Based on what I saw parading through the street parties and bars of downtown, it looked more like the NHA (National Hookers Association) All Star convention was in town.

I am not judging… well, yes, yes I am.  I haven’t seen that many titty tops since I quit working in business offices. And I have never seen that many ass cheeks peeking out the bottom of skirts that looked like they were left in the dryer too long.
Not that I was in the market, but if I were, how the heck could you tell the hookers from the amateurs?

The shoes maybe?
I mean if I had to make a living walking the streets, I wouldn’t do it in the leopard print, retarded Frankenstein shoes with platforms higher than an off shore rig that I saw these girls trying to navigate the cobblestones with.  

So that must be it; the girl next door looks like a lady of the night, and the hookers look like school girls, right down to their patent leather Mary Janes.