As Soon As........We're going to get a dog

For 4 years we have been saying we were getting a dog as soon as....we buy a house....as we get married.... as we put up a fence around the yard..... We don't have a dog yet. Sometimes I think part of the reason is I don't want to have to lose another one.

For King and his little pal, Louis, who are both gone now.

Here comes the dog down the hall with a gerbil in his mouth. In ten years I never hit the dog, except for that day. Mistake #1.

Ok, so it’s Thanksgiving Day a few years back and the whole fam-damily’s over at Mom’s. My sister’s two boys had pet gerbils they kept in a fish tank with a flimsy wire lid, and the dog found them. Without thinking I slapped the gerbil out of the dog’s mouth. The gerbil wasn’t dead. (Dam) It had a broken back and was pulling its tiny little self around by its tiny little furry front legs. (Oh man)

One more good chomp and the gerbil would have been out of his misery, but no, I picked just then to smack the dog. Did I hit the dog when he ate the Christmas desert off my Mom’s good serving platter while we were at midnight mass? NO. Did I hit the dog when he ate 3 pounds of Halloween candy while Holly and I ran to the beer thru? No. So why now?

Well, it was a holiday so Aunt Ruth and Uncle Bill where there. Uncle Bill rode the boxcars cross country when he was fifteen, was a marine at Guam or Midway or someplace bloody and laid tile floors for a living until his knees gave out. “Take him out side and hit em with a rock”, He grumbled.

“The dog or gerbil, Uncle Bill?”
“Just hit em with a rock and get it over with.”
“But Uncle Bill, I can’t hit the tiny little fellow with a rock.”
“You gotta do something, hit em with a rock!”
“But”
“Rock”
“But”
“Hit him”
“But”
“Hit him with a God Dam rock for Christ sake.”
“But”
“ I killed 8 men in one day and you can’t hit a gerbil with a rock?”

Who’s got a rock?

Well, you know I couldn’t hit the poor little broken backed, furry legged stupid fucking gerbil with a rock. Mistake #2

Did you know that if you call around to enough places you can actually find an emergency vet that is open on Thanksgiving night? Yeah, go figure. Off we go on ½ hour drive to the emergency vet, (you’d think the gerbil would have had the decency to die on the way). My niece offered to run over the gerbil with her Camero, I can’t imagine why I didn’t let her do it, maybe I thought it would be worth it just to get out of the house. “Hit him with a God Dam rock.”

The vet asked us if we would like a minute with the gerbil to say goodbye, and could we please pay before services where rendered. “Do you take checks?”

Long drive home, crying little boys, disappointed uncle, snickering dog, and my mother doesn’t keep any liqueur in the house!

“Gail?”
“Yes Uncle Bill.”
“How much did you pay that vet?”
“$45 Uncle Bill” answering = mistake #3
“You know that vet got your $45 and took the gerbil out back and hit him with a rock.”



Aunt Ruth and Uncle Bill are gone now too, and I miss them all.

Hit em with a rock Uncle Bill

Eat ster

How many of you still have left overs from Easter?

Pitch em. Don't feed them to your kids, (who'll be fat later), don't feed them to your husband, (who'll be fat sooner than later), PITCH THEM!!!!

I know, you can't throw away the last of the ham, you want to boil the bone with some beans for a nice CHOLESTEROL laden, fat fest.

Throw away the green bean casserole, and the cheezy potatos, you must think I am a tyrant.

You're portioning out your Easter chocolate, a little here a little there. Yeah, and I believe in the Easter Bunny too.

Point is folks, you should have pitched this stuff Monday, better yet, not had it on Sunday, but I know how that goes.

It's not wasted to throw it away!!!! You enjoyed it, it was nice, now move on. Food eaten just to use it up is just as wasted as if you had thrown it away. Storing the left overs in your ass pantry, now that's a waste.

Start teaching yourself and everyone around you, that holidays aren't about the food, they're about family and friends. (And don't substitute wine for food, unless, of course, your mother in-law is coming over.)

Warning:

Under no circumstances should you eat a 5 day old deviled egg.

OMG you will get serious gastrointestinal discomfort and for your mate, an olfactory offence of Biblical proportions. (This is all theory of course, but for God's sake, throw out the left overs.)

Email from a friend

An email from my Dear Friend Red:

So my husband ran across a book while he was in NY entitled, "Not Quite What I Had Planned." It's people, just regular people, summing up their lives in six words. He read me some of them, most of which I can't remember, except this one: "Cursed with cancer, blessed with friends." From a 9-year-old. Amazing. So I came up with my own: "Too Irish for my own good." Let me know what yours is!

My responce:

ALMOST MESSED IT UP, GOT IT ANYWAY!!!

I Know I Got it Good

Tonight I was making a sautéed fresh snapper dinner for my husband. A husband who genuinely loves me, maybe even more than I love him, if that’s possible.

He usually does the cooking, but he has been working so hard lately I wanted to make something special for him. Fresh snapper, Frank Family chardonnay, and yummy mashed potatoes.

It was almost ready, when I realized I forgotten to get a lemon. You simply have to have fresh lemon to finalize the dish. What’s fresh snapper without fresh lemon?

I needed a lemon.

So, I went out in the back yard and picked one off the tree he planted for me.