July 3, 2011

Pep Talk

Anywhere I have ever worked I have been forced to suffer a Pep Talk. God help me I hate the talk. If you want to suck the life out of my soul with a deliberate, incredibly agonizing mélange of nauseatingly inspirational adjectives, give me a Pep Talk.

Follows is an example of the kind of Pep Talk that works best for me. “Get your shit together asshole; now get out of my office.”

However, my team was given a little rah-rah session the other day that I actually found amusing. It was chalk full of tips and reminders on how to deal with our customers when they call in regarding their phone or internet service.

We were reminded to give clear and concise instructions when trouble shooting a problem for the frustrated customer on the other end of the line. “Make sure they understand to dial *69 and not S.T.A.R. 69. Also if they can’t find the pound key maybe you just need to tell them to mash the tic tac toe button.” Good advice really.

But we were also warned how our behaviors might negatively affect our performance rating. “Should you be talking on your phone when you’re supposed to be talking on our phones? O.H.N. Oh heck no! And when I catch you, which I will, don’t start telling me you’re talking to your grandma on her death bed or that you just found your long lost twin. Man up, say you’re sorry and get back to work… Now get out of my office.”

I think I might like this job.

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