November 27, 2011

Another Black Friday

I drug myself out of the house at 11:00 p.m. Thanksgiving night and went to work an overnight shift at a department store that opened at twelve a.m. Black Friday.

What we do for money is way worse than what we do for love.

I have never participated in the shopping frenzy of that famed day, and the only other time I ever worked retail on that day was in my own shop. (We never got out of the red or I wouldn’t be typing this now.)

Seriously, it was stupid is as stupid does sir. People stood in line for hours to get in. Nearly ran us over when they did. Grabbed one or two door busters, and stood in line for at least two more hours to pay for their items.

Two days earlier, I went shopping with my husband, took a store coupon, opened the store credit card just to get the discount and paid less than all the door buster shoppers who didn’t have coupons or open the card. I will pay the card off and there you go; bob’s your uncle.

And why with all the online Black Friday specials would you even consider standing in lines like that with a belly full of turkey? I received email alerts from just about every store in the land offering me free shipping, discounts prices and satisfaction guaranteed.

I even got Black Friday special offers from the spam emailers hawking Viagra and enlargement supplements… Talk about satisfaction guaranteed!

You know… my little town just got our very own “Adult Toy Store”, I wonder what kind of holiday specials they’ve got UP for sale in there:

Jingle Balls

Santa’s Little Butt Plugs

Santa’s Little Helper (It’s a vibrator, get it?)

Mistletoe for Your Camel Toe

Stocking Fluffers

Jingle Bell Cock (It plays the famed Christmas song while you use it.)

Sugar Hung Fairies

The North Hole

Jack Off In A Box

Surprise Packages

Three Wide Men

We Wish You a Hairy Christmas (Your guess is as good as mine.)

And in the DVD section:

I’m Dreaming of a Wet Christmas

I’ve Have a Blue Balls Christmas Without You

Mary Hole on 42nd Street

All I Want for Christmas is Two New Titties

A Charlie Brown Eye Christmas

Rudolph the Red Boned Reindeer

Oh and last but not least…

The Little Hummer Boy

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