I went on a job interview yesterday. (Yeah another one, shut up.) But this one was a first for me, a group interview. (What fresh hell is this?) Eleven people vying for a part time job. (Shoot me now!)
It started out good, I give great interview, and as it turns out even with other people in the room. (Who knew?) But when they announced the group team building activity, things went awry. (Spit, wipe your chin, spit.) ((Okay that last part was a bit much, disregard that.))
We were to build a free standing five foot tower out of paper, cups, plates and coffee stirrers. (I often built shit out of office supplies at my last job, but they frowned on it.)
This was to be my time to shine, wipe the floor with the ten losers surrounding me, (Which I also did at my last job, but not metaphorically. Could that be why I am job hunting again; IDK??), and show them I am a leader!
And show them I did. I sold my plan to my team, they did indeed elect me leader, (Poor hapless lemmings), and we embarked…
ON EPIC FAILURE!
Let me just say that given more time and resources, (Three engineering students and two sided tape), my plan probably would have eventually worked. (In space, sans gravity, but worked it would have.)
Turns out everyone in the room, (Included my stunned into silence meek team members/subjects) came up with the same design and erected five foot towers in the allotted time. (WTF? NEVER OCCURRED TO ME TO DO IT THAT WAY!)
I was the only one in the room who didn’t come up with the design that apparently, (According to the saccharin interviewer and her snotty minion) is always, always, employed by everyone, everyone in all the previous ménage a’ interviews.
I suppose I am not really surprised. I know my brain doesn’t work like everyone else’s, but holy crap the plan they ALL came up with was so simple. (Frankly I am embarrassed to be out smarted by a group of people who couldn’t come up with better ways to cover their neck tattoos than band aids. Some with designes on them, so really what is the point?)
I felt bad all the way home. (It’s not easy being green; right Kermit?) Perhaps I could email them pictures of a cubical I built using nothing but toilet paper and post it notes. I suppose they might not see the skill in that. (Woe is me, back to the drawing board.) ((The drawing board is a metaphor for my plans to continue my job hunt… See how clever I am; did they?))
I’ve got mail.
Congratulations, I have passed group interview phase and have been invited for a personal interview with the manager. Good luck to me, would I please fill out a brief survey about the recruiter. (Yes I will, after I see if I get the job.)
Don’t you worry your pretty little head about me; I’m ready for them this time. I’m taking my pleather brief case and I am loaded for bear. (Stapler, push pins, ruled note paper, myriad artificial sweeteners, white out and hand sanitizer; go ahead bitches, make my day!)