November 12, 2008

Wayne Hates Cold Bread

“I like it fresh and warm,” he says, so I can’t put bread in the refrigerator. Since there are only two of us and we now live in Florida, I usually end up throwing away a lot of bread.

Long before I actually went to college, I lived in a basement apartment on campus. My bed was on the floor and in the winter I slept in a hat, socks and the year it snowed till April I slept in my coat. What’s this got to do with bread? Lot’s of times I went without bread! You may argue that had I not gone to bars I might have had more bread, but I was fairly cute and could often get a free drink for just a smile, (which was all I was willing to give up mind you) but somehow 21 and trolling for drinks with your gal pals seemed ok, while hanging out in the bread aisle rarely worked.

Aw they were wonder days, but I was sans wonder bread. And I admit it; there was once or twice when I took some toilet paper from gas station bathrooms. Wayne wanted to know why I didn’t go for places with better quality TP, like a nice hotel or restaurant. Because, they know the look of stealers, good luck getting past the front desk if you’re carrying a big purse.

Side thought: I wonder why I was ok with lifting TP from the gas stations, extra ketchup and sugar packets from burger joints but it never, never occurred to me to steal bread. I mean I’m glad it didn’t and that I never really starved, but how did my subconscious come up with a rationalization for TP and ketchup?

So that, together with my mother’s voice telling me throughout the seventies of all the starving children, makes me really hate waste. And I have changed my ways. Kind of like Earl, I try to consider the full consequences of my actions these days.

I wonder… if you steal TP will Karma give you hemorrhoids?

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