The Today Show

And because I hear the song of the maybe pearl, I have envisioned my future appearance on the Today show after I have finished my book and am touring to promote it. And it goes a little something like this:

Fade in from black…………

Announcer:
Live from New York City it’s the Today show.

Matt Lauer:
I’m Matt Lauer, on such and such date here with my co-hosts, Meredith, Ann and Al. Good morning Meredith, good morning Ann, good morning Al, and Good Morning America.

(Gasp from the camera man; Matt looks like he just farted on air)

Meredith Vieira:
I’m Meredith Vieira, good morning Matt, good morning Ann, good morning Al. Matt…..

Matt Lauer:
Ok, thanks Meredith, now let’s go to Ann for our top story, Ann….

Ann Curry:
Good morning Matt, good morning, Meredith, good morning Al. Covering our top story is our white house correspondent, Holly, good morning Holly.

Holly:
Good morning Ann, good morning Matt, good morning Meredith, good morning Al and, good morning to all of you at home.

Matt:
Good morning Holly

Meredith:
Good morning Holly and I think my good morning to everyone at home was implied.

Al Roker:
Good morning Holly, and please say good morning to everyone at the white house for me.

Holly:
little chuckle
I would Al, but that would be a lot of good mornings.

Matt:
saccharine, fakey chuckle

Meredith:
overt scowl

Camera Man:
slight nauseated grunt.

Holly:
The president has nothing on his schedule this morning, telling reporters at a press conference yesterday morning, that he thought he would take this morning off and return to his usual morning schedule tomorrow morning.

Ann:
Ok.., well thanks for that Holly. Meredith; back to you.

Meredith:
I’m prettier than you Ann. Matt….

Matt:
wrinkles nose at Meredith them resumes a big smile
Now for a quick check of the weather, let’s send it out to Al on the patio.

Al:
Thanks Matt and good morning, good morning Meredith, good morning Ann, and good morning to all you good folks at home.

Merritt:
We all said good morning Al.

Al:
Whinny
Not me!

Ann:
It’s ok Al. Good morning.

Al:
Thanks Ann you’re nice…I miss Katie

Ann:
Well, I’m going to go that far, but….

Meredith:
Al…..the weather!

Al:
Now here’s what’s happening in your neck of the woods.

Local weather man:
Thanks Al, good morning and good morning to every in the tri-county area. It’s raining. Back to Al in New York….Al.

Al:
Matt; back to you.

Matt:
Thanks Al. This morning we have a special guest. It is our honor and great privilege to have a new author on the show this morning that is taking the literary world by storm. Please welcome Wendy. Good morning Wendy.

Wendy:
Good morning Matt, thanks for having me here today.

Meredith:
off camera
Ut um! Good morning Wendy.

Wendy:
Uh, yes hello Meredith, I mean Good morning.

Ann:
Well, I wasn’t going to say anything, but good morning Wendy

Wendy:
Good morning Ann, your hair is super cute.

Camera man:
to himself
WTF

Ann:
unabashedly smiles

Meredith:
steam rolls out of her ears.

Matt:
So Wendy, please tell us a little about your book.

Wendy:
impishly
Good morning Matt

Matt:
somewhat confused
Yes. Good morning Wendy

Wendy:
My book is a day in the life kind of story that starts first thing in the morning.

Matt:
Really; that’s not what my notes say.

Wendy:
I’m just kidding Matt.

Al:
That was funny.

Wendy:
Thanks Al, good morning

Al:
Good morning Wendy.

Meredith:
Ut um! Good morning Wendy

Wendy:
What’s up with your hair Meredith?

Camera man:
laughs out loud.

Matt:
Well thanks for being here this morning Wendy; I know your book will be a best seller.

Wendy:
Good morning Matt

Matt:

becoming a little miffed
Yes well, good morning Wendy. Meredith……

Meredith:
with a school girl snarl
Yeah good morning Wendy… back to you Matt…

Matt:
No, it’s you now Meredith.

Meredith:
Oh, Good morning Matt and good morning America……now a word from our sponsors

Fade to black.

Somebody have Loren Michaels give a call.