May 15, 2008

A Call For A Ban!

On Fridays do you get the privilege of paying $5, for charity of course, to wear your jeans to work? They do this every once in a while where I work. Frankly I would pay $5 for the privilege of not seeing most of these people in their jeans. There is something about Halloween and casual Fridays that makes working girls dress like working girls. You can see more T & A on casual Friday than in hotel porn.

This wouldn’t be so bad, but have you seen what the cubicle life has done to the bottom line of the American office worker? Listen, I know I am no better, but on Friday I stick to the loose fitting, elastic waist, black trousers that are my weekday uniform. Do you know I have even seen them parade in, wearing elastic waist jeans. Oh the humanity!!

There should be a memo: If your age and/or waist is over 40 you have to pay $10 to wear jeans on Friday.

Still they lay their money down and parade in through the employee entrance like a circus consisting of nothing but fat ladies, going up Main St. U.S.A. hawking the show. Come one come all to the greatest show on earth. See unbelievable wonders such as your boss in low riders, the CEO in droopy crotch comfort fit dungarees, and the head of HR viciously and brutally violating the dress code. They saunter in with not only junk in their trunks, but copiers, fax machines, and in the case of some of the older men the occasional Dictaphone.

Surely they don’t have mirrors at home or they would not leave the house like that, but you would think the full length one in the ladies room would shock them back into their, oh so forgiving, A-line skirts. And you guys out there; if you can’t tuck your shirt in, don’t wear skin tight jeans that you’ve had since before the kids where born.

As I see it, this is plainly on OSHA issue, so with our safety in mind I call for a ban on ba-donk-a-donk in the boardroom, lest an overstressed rivet break free and put an eye out.

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